sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
