the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
