kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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