thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
