low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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