My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
