So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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