i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
