you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drunk is not a location!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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