it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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