He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
