The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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