Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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