I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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