I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
