I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
