his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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