Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
be right there i have to get my cape
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
