OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
