That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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