why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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