So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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