Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
