i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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