My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
