You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
