HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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