He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
