They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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