Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
