I wish I could teleport
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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