There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
