Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
