my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is wine microwaveable?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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