I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
