that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want nice things and good sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
