I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this hospital has no fireball
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
