I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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