Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
