Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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