Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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