he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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