Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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