Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
