it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
