I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
