my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
