its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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