so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
