I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
