I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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