So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
