just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
