Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
