she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
