idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
