Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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