Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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