I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
