Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
