my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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