Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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