theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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