I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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