you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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