I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
