my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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