New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
