My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
