my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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