Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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