Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
