Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
