remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
