I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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