I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
