That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have demons in me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
