So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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