Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
