I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
