I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And then he peed in my hair
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