Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
