I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize