hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
