so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
