I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
