Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
