i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
