I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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