Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
