I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize