The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
