i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Randomize
