The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
